lessons from incapacity

So, I’ve been incapacitated for the last little while.  I fell of a ladder while at work and damaged the connective tissue in my knee. I’m fairly sure this was a message from the powers that be.  At that time in my life I was feeling very inspired, and excited, about projects I was imagining, things I could see myself doing, at some point in the dawning year. I guess I was so busy looking forward that I was not paying attention to what was happening for me right here, right now, and being the wilful and obstinate ox that I am, it took a fall from a ladder to stop me and deliver me into the present moment.

I’ve discovered I’m not very good with incapacity.  I get frustrated at my own incapability and anxious for resolution so I can get a move on with all the things I can see need doing.

I have, however, enjoyed the opportunity to minister to myself – something which I often run out of time for in a busy life.  At this time, it is perfectly okay for me to assert my needs, and seek to fulfil my own needs – it is okay for me to be self absorbed.

A friend came over with a huge tub of turmeric – probably a kilo of it.  I have been making a paste to apply to my knee joint before binding with a firm bandage.  We had fun painting up my youngest with it too, burnishing her golden as a traditional Indian bride! Tonight I added cayenne and cinnamon to the poultice and massaged and gently manipulated my knee and leg through the bandage.  This was an exercise in self belief, actually, as the poultice grew hotter and hotter against my skin and I wondered if I was burning myself. But I felt so good on those muscles which have been clenched in pain and restricted movement for four days now.  I did take the poultice off after about half an hour, but I think it was beneficial and I didn’t end up burning my skin.

I’m also taking turmeric internally, in a mix of anti inflammatory herbs and drinking litres of nettle tea.  Nettle is known for its affinity for the joints, and specifically for drawing inflammation out of the joints.  Additionally, it is a strengthening tonic and nutrient dense – just what I need at this time of recovery and recuperation.

I’m rounding out my therapeutic regime with fish oils and homeopathics – an internal remedy, as well as topical arnica once or twice per day.

My kids have really risen to the occasion. My eldest has been away, but the littlies have really come through for me. My middle girl has cooked dinner two nights in a row, and done a pretty good job with it, too. She has uncomplainingly (mostly) picked up, tidied and cleared whenever asked.

Her younger sister has done her jobs obligingly and even taken on more to help me and her sister out. She asked me to remind her, if I thought she was not taking responsibility!

And the two of them together have pottered about the house, trapped here along with me, creating various masterpieces, inventing, drawing, building cubbies and just generally entertaining themselves, together and alongside one another, with a minimum of fuss and fights.

So, despite my frustration at the thwarting of my immediate plans for physical activity and my current inability to work and move forward in so many areas in my life, I guess it’s true to say that I have enjoyed this time at home with my kids.

I have again been reminded about the goodness of my loved ones, who have variously brought me groceries, kidnapped me and taken me for coffee, driven me to the airport, sat with me at the hospital, dressed my injury and myriad more acts of kindness and generosity.

And that, my friends, is the glimmer of a gemstone, hiding amongst the dross……