it is impossible to put into words the horror and the brutality of this letting go of life.
the infantilization of one who is one foot in and one foot out is like a revelation to me.
i am shaken by the indignity of watching as each milestone happens in reverse and you are suddenly again a child, trembling and needy.
we are coming full circle and just as i bore you into this world, so i am seeing you out of it.
now, as then, we are in this together, and there is no turning back
there is only one way out of this.....
and so, together, yet separate, we go through it.
your greatest gift to me has been to show me how to be a mother.
we grew up together, you and i and once i had you i was suddenly someone.....someone else....someone's mother....i didn't know how to be this person. and through your presence i slowly, tremulously, learnt. oftentimes i didn't want to see what you were reflecting back to me. every day now you show me something from which i want to flinch away and deny. and i feel my love measured in the staying of my presence. and so each day i am astounded to realize the depth of my love for you.
i see that in leaving you are teaching me something else.....teaching me to be someone else.
i am as afraid as you are....
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